Horse racing jokes, puns and one-liners to make you laugh

If you want to feel good, you need to keep laughing. Which is why we’ve gone out and found the funniest horse racing jokes, one-liners, puns and quotes from the far corners of the internet to keep you entertained. If you love a bad joke, then you’ll love this post!

Funniest horse racing jokes and one-liners

1. Why did the horse go to the doctor? Because he was a little hoarse!
2. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? A neigh-sayer!
3. What’s a jockey’s favorite drink? Manehattan!
4. What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts? A hobby horse!
5. Why did the horse cross the road? To get to the neigh-borhood!
6. What do you call a horse that’s been all around the world? A globe-trotter!
7. Why did the horse go on a diet? He wanted to look good in his jockey shorts.
8. What do you get when you cross a racehorse with a camel? A humpback jockey!
9. Why do horses make bad dancers? Because they have two left feet!
10. Why did the jockey bring a ladder to the racetrack? He wanted to climb the stakes
11. I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.
12. A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long face?”
13. I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.
14. A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.
15. Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepita
16. Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.
17. Some racehorses are staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”
18. Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”
19. “Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.
20. At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
21. The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”
22. Why did the man stand behind the horse? He was hoping to get a kick out of it
23. Which type of cheese do horses like best? Masc-a-pony
24. What sort of horses come out after dark? Nightmares
25. When does a horse talk? Whinny wants to!
26. What disease are horses most scared of getting? Hay fever
27. What do you call a horse who lives next door? Neighbor!
28. What’s a horse’s favorite sport? Stable-tennis!
29. What do you call a three legged horse?  A Reliant Dobbin.
30. A racehorse walks into a bar with its entourage.  The barman says “you can’t come in here with those trainers”.
31. I saw a horse in a wild west show that glowed in the dark once.  Think he was rodeo active.
32. What kind of medicine do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup.
33. What do you call a horse that’s not wearing a saddle? Neigh-ked!
34. Who do ponies call when they’re possessed by demons? An ex-horse-ist!
35. Do you know why horse stalls at the racetrack are labelled A, B, D, E, and F? Because no one wants to bet on a seahorse.
36. Why is it hard so hard to carry on a conversation with racehorses? They don’t stand around furlong!
37. What do you say to a horse after it loses a bet? Pony up!

Funniest horse racing puns

1. Have you ever heard of the band Foals? They have a colt following.
2. Go to bed! It’s pasture bedtime!
3. A horse walks into a bar… The bartender asks, “why the long face?
4. Let’s skip the opening act. I only care to see the mane event.
5. Hm? Stop stalling and answering the question.
6. Just got promoted… And now I’m saddled with so much more responsibility.
7. To be or not to be… That is the equestrian.
8. Don’t look! I’m neigh-kid!
9. Come on kid… Quit foaling around!
10. Help! I’ve fallen and can’t giddy-up!
11. My friend is half horse… And always the centaur of attention.
12. Think the local police horse has a dodgy shoe.   It’s going good clop, bad clop.
13. I had a job as part of a pantomime horse team once, but I quit when I was a head.
14. You’ll never find a horse using an Android phone. They only like Apple’s.
15. Look at that horse’s new boyfriend. He’s such a stud!
16. There’s only one time vampires like watching a horse race. When it’s neck and neck.

Funniest horse racing quotes

“There are only two things I like to do better than watch horse racing. That is talk about it and listen to others talk about it.”

– H. H. Munro (Saki), British writer.

“I’m a racing tipster, not a miracle worker.”

– John McCririck, British horse racing pundit.

“If there’s a horse that’s going to beat me, I want it to be one that I own.”

– Bud Delp, American horse trainer.

“This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother”

– Ted Walsh

“I’m lucky because I have an athlete between my legs”

– Willie Carson

Funniest horse racing memes

Did these horse racing jokes, puns, one-liners and memes make you laugh?

There you have some of the funniest horse racing jokes, one-liners, horse racing puns and memes. I want to be honest, finding horse racing jokes is pretty tough, so if you have any suggestions please leave a comment and we will update this post with the best ones!

When you’ve finished chuckling, and are ready to get back to winner finding, then login to the Race Advisor (or create a free account) and use the best horse racing winner finding tools in existence.